1. What's the difference between a good lawyer and a bad lawyer?

A bad lawyer makes your case drag on for years. A good lawyer makes it last even longer.

2. I rang my lawyer and asked him, "How much would you charge for answering three simple questions?"

He said, "Five thousand dollars."

I said, "Five thousand dollars! That's very expensive isn't it?"

He said, "Yes, it is. Now, what's your third question?"

3. My lawyer is a very smart guy.

He earns from my mistakes.

4. What's wrong with lawyer jokes?

Lawyers don't think they're funny and other people don't think they're jokes.

5. How does a lawyer sleep?

First he lies on one side, then he lies on the other.