1. What's the difference between a good lawyer and a bad lawyer? A bad lawyer makes your case drag on for years. A good lawyer makes it last even longer. 2. I rang my lawyer and asked him, "How much would you charge for answering three simple questions?" He said, "Five thousand dollars." I said, "Five thousand dollars! That's very expensive isn't it?" He said, "Yes, it is. Now, what's your third question?" 3. My lawyer is a very smart guy. He earns from my mistakes. 4. What's wrong with lawyer jokes? Lawyers don't think they're funny and other people don't think they're jokes. 5. How does a lawyer sleep? First he lies on one side, then he lies on the other.