1. What's the difference between a good lawyer and a bad lawyer?
A bad lawyer makes your case drag on for years. A good lawyer makes it last even longer.
2. I rang my lawyer and asked him, "How much would you charge for answering three simple questions?"
He said, "Five thousand dollars."
I said, "Five thousand dollars! That's very expensive isn't it?"
He said, "Yes, it is. Now, what's your third question?"
3. My lawyer is a very smart guy.
He earns from my mistakes.
4. What's wrong with lawyer jokes?
Lawyers don't think they're funny and other people don't think they're jokes.
5. How does a lawyer sleep?
First he lies on one side, then he lies on the other.